Washblog

On Saturday, I collected my week's snail mail from my mailbox.  I found among the other pieces of junk mail, a letter from Senator Murray.  The postmark is illegible, but the letter itself is dated May 9.  My assumption is that it was mailed out between a week and two weeks ago.

Senator Murray voted "AYE" on the Capitulation Bill on Thursday.

A somewhat expurgated version follows -- I don't have the intestinal fortitute to retype the whole loathesome thing.  My translation from fundraisingspeak to plain English is inserted in italics.

   Dear __,

    George W. Bush is on a mission.  And, with or without [in Patty's case, with] the backing of the Congress and the American people, he intends to see his mission through.

    ...

    George W. Bush continues to reinvent the Presidency, expand the scope of his power, and undermine the oversight role of Congress.  

    And we have to stop him. [By voting YES on the Capitulation Bill and giving him a blank check.]

    ...

    President Bush has now sent 21,500 additional American troops to Iraq -- and will perhaps send many more -- whether or not Congress and the American people approve.  [Patty approved, but she's going to pretend she didn't and see if I'm stupid enough to fall for it.]

    So it's up to you and me to send a message to the President: that it's time to end the escalation in Iraq and that we need a plan for bringing American troops back home.  [Apparently, we need a plan that doesn't involve the use of the word "NO".]

    Let me be perfectly clear: I voted against going to war in Iraq, opposed the President's plan to send more troops, and I disapprove of his methods.  That's why I'm fighting the President's efforts with everything I've got, and why I'm asking for your help.  ["Everything I've got" is subject to interpretation -- "No" votes don't count, obviously.]

    Bush can't right the wrongs of this war by sending more troops, which is why my colleagues and I are insisting [chyeah, right] on a new course of action:

        * First, we want a clear, concise and practical timetable for bringing American troops home.  [Pretty please with sugar on top.]
        * Second, we demand an honest [but optional] accounting of the casualties and injuries that have resulted from the war, and quality medical treatment given to those who have been injured.  [By "demand", of course, she doesn't mean "legislate", she means "look really, really stern".  She is a mom, after all.]

    Won't you please help me stand up for America's troops by singing my online petition [and sending her a metric buttload of money] to President Bush urging that our troops come home?  [Because she lost her spine somewhere between Washington State and Washington DC, and she can't stand up for them except through useless online petitions.  All other options are closed to her, don't you understand?????]

    ... Skipping over a long section about how awful Walter Reed is. [Yeah, Patty, we know.  It was on CNN.] ...

    ... Skipping over another long section about how mean old Georgie is not letting the nice Democrats increase the minimum wage or protect the environment.  [Bad, bad Georgie!] ...

    Now, with Democrats in control of the Congress [Ya could'a fooled me], my colleagues and I are fighting to protect the environment and promote renewable energy. [By giving him a blank check and the blood of more American soldiers in exchange.  It's a new kind of fight, also known as 'selling out'.]

    ... blah blah blah Georgie is mean to us blah blah ...

    [And it's time for the Big Finish!]

    Please help me stand up to the White House and for America's soldiers.  Support me [by sending a bigfat check] in my efforts and tell George W. Bush:  It's time to take our country in a new direction... and time to bring our troops back home.  [Okay, by now words are f*cking failing me.]

    Join the fight to stop the President's abuse of executive powers and put the brakes on his agenda.  [Hmmm. Okay, so far the fight has consisted of giving Bush exactly what he wants and taking impeachment off the table.  So, really, it's kind of a WWE kind of fight, right?  Right.] Go online today to [www.pattymurrayisauselessselloutPOS.com] and sign my petition urging President Bush [pretty, pretty, pretty please?] to bring our troops home... and I'll forward your petition directly to the White House.  [Because she's at her wits' end and simply cannot think of any other way to get the troops out of Iraq.  She's thought and thought and thought about it, but she just don't know what else to do!]

    And, if you can, support my efforts on behalf of our soldiers, our families, and our future with your contribution.  Your gift today of $20 or even $25 would mean so much [to her lunch tab at the Watergate Hotel Bar and Grille].

    I appreciate your [completely misplaced] support and trust in me.

    Sincerely,
    Patty Murray