Washblog

My first experiences were with a baby sitter who gave me LSD once and smoked marijuana with me regularly. I felt guilty because I enjoyed the perceived relief of my anger and emotional pains that the drugs gave me. It medicated me. Well, then I had to try everything. At the age of 12, I was doing speed intravenously. I became a chronic drinker and smoker and I filled in the gaps with whatever I could find and/or try. I became a full-blown drug addict.

At the age of 17, I was using cocaine intravenously. Based on the exorbitant expense of the drug, my behavior became seriously criminal in order to supply my drug addiction and my need to medicate myself and mask my new-found shame. I had committed numerous acts of petty theft but cocaine abuse drove me to take many more risks and much more frequently. I turned into a recluse because of the paranoia (psychosis) that I was experiencing and I alienated myself from my family and friends because of the shame I felt. I started using larger and larger quantities of cocaine, not knowing or caring that the results might be suicidal. My self-esteem level was on the negative side of zero.

My crime spree ended with my arrest with what is now termed my first strike. I pled guilty to the charge. The sentencing judge recommended a 36-month sentence to the parole board.  My attorney and I requested that I receive drug treatment.  The judge denied that request based on the facts of the crime and my "lack of cooperation with authorities". At this time, the State was changing its sentencing schemes by removing the parole board entirely and limiting the judges' discretionary authority to tailor a sentence based on specific facts and an individual's past behavior by mandating restrictive sentencing ranges and mandatory minimum sentences. This is the sentencing system that is currently in effect today.

Based upon the new sentencing schemes, I ultimately received a 15 month sentence.  By the time I received it, I had already served more than double that time.   With no meaningful drug treatment, I managed to get paroled in July 1989... with my drug addictions still intact. It didn't take long and I was arrested again for my second strike robbery perpetrated with a toy pistol. I pled guilty and received a 53-month sentence and returned to society without any meaningful drug treatment and my addictions still intact.

Arrested again in September of 1995, my third strike of robbery with an inoperable, broken rifle. If I had learned one thing, it was not to use real weapons in the course of a crime because of the huge potential for someone to be seriously hurt and/or killed, neither of which has ever been my intent. The 3-Strikes law was now in effect and there were no plea deals offered at this time. I was convicted and sentenced to Life without the possibility of parole. I have appealed, lost, and initiated many other litigation attempts to expose the unfairness of the 3-Strikes law but to no avail. Had it not been for 3-Strikes, I would have been subject to a sentence ranging from 57 months to 75 months of confinement.

I have all but given up on faith and hope that the reality of this unbearably harsh law will come to light and in the public's eye and will bring about positive changes in the way that it is applied and that it truly be reserved for the worst of the worst. This is not to say that I don't deserve to be punished but I know that I'M NOT THE WORST OF THE WORST. I am not a disposable human being. Unfortunately for me, my addictions did not allow me to see as far as and/or beyond the consequences of my actions, but I still feel that the time should fit the crime with considerations given to the seriousness of the offense, motivation behind the offense, prior history, etc.

It's never been in my heart to physically harm another human being, although I cannot deny the psychological trauma that I've caused to my victims by my actions. I've never murdered, raped, or molested another human being, but reflections upon my past disturb my soul. I believe that this is so because I have truly matured during my years of incarceration. If nothing else, I can surely say that 3-Strikes has shown me where and how I don't want to spend the remainder of my natural life: in a cage with no real human contact that family and friends truly share. I often wonder what my life may have been like had I been granted an opportunity to participate in a drug treatment program? There are no answers, just speculation.

Concerning the cage for those who may be curious: Silk sheets could be issued (are not) but it still wouldn't change the fact that one is in a cage. One can eat only when allowed and a semblance of food is served by someone who dislikes prison-life as much as the next guy, has bad hygiene, no respect for others, and a bad attitude. The highlight of the day is going to work if you are lucky enough to have a job and do menial and mindless tasks. Perhaps you're real lucky and work in the Industrial Area in exchange for a maximum of $1.10 per hour which is reduced by deductions for crime victim compensation, cost of incarceration, and legal financial obligations and able to participate in dehumanizing skin searches to and from the work area.

This is to say nothing of the daily torment of being treated as sub-human by many sadistically, robotic people. Many of these people forget that people are people are people and that we all have our own individual problems, quirks, and needs. It is a rare and special moment to be treated with basic human decency and respect, almost like real people.

Despite all of it, I strive to practice what I preach. I try to be up-beat, cheery and decent to all that I come in contact with. If I were to be released this very moment, my desire for the remainder of my life would be to be normal (drug and crime free) and productive, to build and have normal relationships with my family and friends, to love and be loved.

One of the most crushing things is that my mother is getting older. She raised me right and I am not there for her. I feel like I've betrayed her. And I have.

One more chance and I'd make it right--for my mother and other family, for myself, and for society at large. I doubt that I could ever make up for all the wreckage that I've caused in my life, but I sure would like to sincerely try.

Ronald Peters