Washblog

"Good evening. Tonight I want to address the most serious concern facing Mr. Bolten at the White House - replacing Scotty McLellan with someone more able to strengthen the team.

The most obvious choice is the man whose coattails are second only to Flush Limbaugh as an eloquent and one-sided biased mouth piece for an administration in trouble.

Recognized by Media Matters for lack of excellence in broadcasting, what better endorsement could one ask for someone who has been a stalwart of the war on liberalism and those dominant democractic elites who remain the objects of his pandering flatulent discourses.

My friends in Blowhard Broadcasting, without reservation BNN endorses as the next Presidential Press Secretary, ... Squawk Hannity.

I envision future press conferences as nothing like past ones in which rude news reporters over the years came to lead the nation to believe falsely that McLellan was playing "catch me if you can" and refusing to face the tough issues.

Hannity wouldn't fall into such a trap. Why they didn't pick him much earlier is beyond me. For God's sake, they even chose Squawk over Flush to narrate the Republican Party's welcome video for its 2004 national convention in New York City.

And what better way for Squawk to learn how to announce news correctly than to do so from the Pres Press Secy's podium in front of the most important news reporters in the country?

How Squawk will solve all the Republican re-election problems:

(1) Without Tom Delay to kick around, Squawk will be in the perfect place to trumpet the idea that since the Republican's single bad apple is now gone, Democrats won't be able to  campaign against congressional Republicans' record of corruption. With help from other leading conservative voices dripping with pretend integrity and indignity like Flush himself, Hannity will be able to credibly pooh pooh the idea that there are any more dishonest Republicans in office.

(2) Squawk will improve the offically approved patriotism in this country. He without a doubt will be able to add administration clout and prestige to the notion that it's not American to wave a flag from another country in public in America. From where I sit,  if Squawk can line up honorable bi-partisan supporters like Knewt Gingrich, throwing people in jail for showing any flag other than the stars and bars, such clouters can't help but enhance our nation's global image as the place to come and see how democracy respects diversity - so long as there's conformity.

(3) On hypocrisy ... as demonstrated recently with his criticisms of that scandalous senator who thinks the good old boys should move over and let her be president, Squawk is a recognized expert on the practice of consistent hypocrisy. When he labels someone as a  hypocrite, he obviously speaks from experience.

I could go on an on like Squawk and Flush do,  having made going on and on part and parcel of their presentations, but I won't.

In the interest of brevity and to give you all time to email the White House, I'll simply reiterate.

Squawk Hannity's time has come. Most assuredly, the next Press Secretary to the President of the United States is busily and diligently polishing his fair and balanced techniques and fine art of single-visioned blowhardiness while a nation goes wanting for someone to blow hard at the Washington press corps.

Squawk Hannity, my fellow Americans, is that Blowhard.

From BNN, I'm Farely Smoothlips