Joel Connelly speaks true
When I was in 8th grade in small-town Colorado, there was a kid in my class named Lance. We all thought Lance was gay, because he wasn't like us and seemed effete. Lance took periodic beatings, constant in-class abuse, and introduced me to the concept of a 'beard' - sometime during 8th grade, he took a girlfriend who was similarly odd, and we accused them both of perpetrating a fraud, and eventually ran her off from Lance, if only for relief from the taunting, and into the arms of other boys less likely to attract negative attention.
I miss Lance. Wish I could meet up with him and apologize. I hear he became a well-adjusted straight man in our small town, driving a pickup and starting a family, and eventually taking physical retribution against some of the worst bullies during his dark days. I admire him for persevering, and more so because of the worst episode of that year, that finally turned me from a fairly normal, farm-town boy who thought gay kids were faggots who might turn me gay if I didn't protect myself from them to someone who is baffled that anyone cares who someone else has sex with. One day, we started in on Lance before school even started. I don't know why - it was 8th grade. Maybe he got a new haircut or wore a cardigan. Maybe his pants were highwater because he'd grown too fast and his family was poor. It doesn't matter - before lunch, he'd finally broken and ran, crying, from the school. We thought this was the height of comedy, that the faggot had run crying to his mommy. I personally felt a bit proud that we'd found the right buttons.
But he did run to his mommy. And mommy came back to school, leaving Lance at home to deal with his demons in some privacy. Those of you with protective mothers, or with children of your own, know the sight of a mother in full defense of their child. She came in our classroom and proceeded to unleash all the fury he'd kept to himself, heaping shame upon shame back on our oh-so-deserving shoulders. Some of our denser classmates thought the whole thing was still funny, but some of us had the decency to be at least chagrined. I was transfixed, seeing the manifestation of every bad day Lance had ever had, and realizing that there was somebody real in Lance's body. Somebody who hurt just like I did when I was the target of gay rumors, someone who sat back and took abuse and hate day after day and never once pushed back. Someone who had the courage to keep coming back to a place where he was hated and ridiculed for every action he took and word he spoke.
What his mother said that finally broke through for me was this: "Why do you even care about this? If he's gay or not, it's none of your business. He's just a child like any of you, and you should be ashamed of yourselves." (I think her version had more exclamation points)
Why do you even care about this? This is why I make gay rights a centerpiece of my political and volunteer involvement. Not because I want to be around gays and love them and hooray for the gays. I'm pretty neutral on gays; don't really care one way or the other. No, I do it because I want to stop knowing anything about their sexual activity, because I have no reason to care, but as long as our society makes gay's sexual activity the focus of their hate, I consider that my shame. I want society to think about gay people's sexual activity about as much as gay folks think about mine, which is pretty damn close to none at all. They're people, not behaviors. They're not actions or lifestyles. They're people with jobs and families just trying to get through the day, pay their bills, read a history book, go see their friends for a beer, and hopefully, find someone to love for the rest of their life. It's none of my goddamn business. I usually ignore Joel, having reason to view him as an opinionated windbag who takes inappropriate opportunities to swipe at liberals whether they deserve it or not. (And not the first, or the last, columnist to fit this description) But today he hits the nail deeply on the head about HB 2661, gay civil rights, the seemingly obvious understanding that folks are folks and rights belong to everyone, privacy, and Tim Eyman's idiotic frantic push to keep himself in business at the expense of gay rights.
Joel gets this: The U.S. Constitution is meant for better things than energizing a political base. The amendment is a cynical White House attempt to deflect attention from administration policies and direct anger at "liberals."This is what's happening in the Senate today. Deflecting attention and directing anger at liberals is all Tim Eyman's bullshit referendum is about (well, that and keeping himself in a job). Joel's column gives a nice history of tolerance in our area, and makes a case that this is certainly something we should be moving towards, not away from. But no. Ken Hutcherson and his ilk are intent on shining spotlights on the sex lives of gay folks, determined to define them by their 'behaviors', insisting 'orientation' doesn't exist, as though our gay community is just a giant orgy barely able to take time out from all their sinful buggery to order a pizza and get some sleep. Perhaps Mr. Hutcherson would be so kind as to initiate a referendum banning the swinger's clubs throughout the state, or banning divorce, or outlawing sex outside marriage - I mean, if we should be shining spotlights on the sexual behavior of people, we should shine the spotlight on all people equally.
It's very late, I've been preparing for my trip all day, and this is an issue that touches me deeply. I've shared with you a shameful episode in my life that helped shape me, and now I'm rambling way longer than is necessary, so I'll turn it over to you guys - as usual, I expect some of you to say what I'm trying to rant out, but in 1,200 less words. I'll close with this portion of Joel's article that rang most clearly in my heart. Ex-President Clinton, in a 2004 sermon at New York's Riverside Church, put it best: "A lot of the religious absolutists believe that all other issues are irrelevant, that all who disagree with them are somehow almost non-human, certainly not deserving of basic consideration."Go say howdy to Washington Won't Discriminate and toss them some turkee - they'll need all our help to fight this idiocy if we're to turn it back as we did the transportation repeal nonsense last year.
Joel Connelly speaks true | 5 comments (5 topical)
Joel Connelly speaks true | 5 comments (5 topical)
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