Washblog

Joel Connelly speaks true

When I was in 8th grade in small-town Colorado, there was a kid in my class named Lance.  We all thought Lance was gay, because he wasn't like us and seemed effete.  Lance took periodic beatings, constant in-class abuse, and introduced me to the concept of a 'beard' - sometime during 8th grade, he took a girlfriend who was similarly odd, and we accused them both of perpetrating a fraud, and eventually ran her off from Lance, if only for relief from the taunting, and into the arms of other boys less likely to attract negative attention.  

I miss Lance.  Wish I could meet up with him and apologize.  I hear he became a well-adjusted straight man in our small town, driving a pickup and starting a family, and eventually taking physical retribution against some of the worst bullies during his dark days.  I admire him for persevering, and more so because of the worst episode of that year, that finally turned me from a fairly normal, farm-town boy who thought gay kids were faggots who might turn me gay if I didn't protect myself from them to someone who is baffled that anyone cares who someone else has sex with.  

One day, we started in on Lance before school even started.  I don't know why - it was 8th grade.  Maybe he got a new haircut or wore a cardigan.  Maybe his pants were highwater because he'd grown too fast and his family was poor.  It doesn't matter - before lunch, he'd finally broken and ran, crying, from the school.  We thought this was the height of comedy, that the faggot had run crying to his mommy.  I personally felt a bit proud that we'd found the right buttons.

But he did run to his mommy.  And mommy came back to school, leaving Lance at home to deal with his demons in some privacy.  Those of you with protective mothers, or with children of your own, know the sight of a mother in full defense of their child.  She came in our classroom and proceeded to unleash all the fury he'd kept to himself, heaping shame upon shame back on our oh-so-deserving shoulders.  Some of our denser classmates thought the whole thing was still funny, but some of us had the decency to be at least chagrined.  I was transfixed, seeing the manifestation of every bad day Lance had ever had, and realizing that there was somebody real in Lance's body.  Somebody who hurt just like I did when I was the target of gay rumors, someone who sat back and took abuse and hate day after day and never once pushed back.  Someone who had the courage to keep coming back to a place where he was hated and ridiculed for every action he took and word he spoke.  

What his mother said that finally broke through for me was this:  "Why do you even care about this?  If he's gay or not, it's none of your business.  He's just a child like any of you, and you should be ashamed of yourselves."  (I think her version had more exclamation points)  

Why do you even care about this?

This is why I make gay rights a centerpiece of my political and volunteer involvement.  Not because I want to be around gays and love them and hooray for the gays.  I'm pretty neutral on gays; don't really care one way or the other.  No, I do it because I want to stop knowing anything about their sexual activity, because I have no reason to care, but as long as our society makes gay's sexual activity the focus of their hate, I consider that my shame.  I want society to think about gay people's sexual activity about as much as gay folks think about mine, which is pretty damn close to none at all.  They're people, not behaviors.  They're not actions or lifestyles.  They're people with jobs and families just trying to get through the day, pay their bills, read a history book, go see their friends for a beer, and hopefully, find someone to love for the rest of their life.  It's none of my goddamn business.

And Joel Connelly gets it.

I usually ignore Joel, having reason to view him as an opinionated windbag who takes inappropriate opportunities to swipe at liberals whether they deserve it or not.  (And not the first, or the last, columnist to fit this description)  But today he hits the nail deeply on the head about HB 2661, gay civil rights, the seemingly obvious understanding that folks are folks and rights belong to everyone, privacy, and Tim Eyman's idiotic frantic push to keep himself in business at the expense of gay rights.  

Joel gets this:

The U.S. Constitution is meant for better things than energizing a political base. The amendment is a cynical White House attempt to deflect attention from administration policies and direct anger at "liberals."
This is what's happening in the Senate today.  Deflecting attention and directing anger at liberals is all Tim Eyman's bullshit referendum is about (well, that and keeping himself in a job).  Joel's column gives a nice history of tolerance in our area, and makes a case that this is certainly something we should be moving towards, not away from.  

But no.  Ken Hutcherson and his ilk are intent on shining spotlights on the sex lives of gay folks, determined to define them by their 'behaviors', insisting 'orientation' doesn't exist, as though our gay community is just a giant orgy barely able to take time out from all their sinful buggery to order a pizza and get some sleep.  Perhaps Mr. Hutcherson would be so kind as to initiate a referendum banning the swinger's clubs throughout the state, or banning divorce, or outlawing sex outside marriage - I mean, if we should be shining spotlights on the sexual behavior of people, we should shine the spotlight on all people equally.  

It's very late, I've been preparing for my trip all day, and this is an issue that touches me deeply.  I've shared with you a shameful episode in my life that helped shape me, and now I'm rambling way longer than is necessary, so I'll turn it over to you guys - as usual, I expect some of you to say what I'm trying to rant out, but in 1,200 less words.  I'll close with this portion of Joel's article that rang most clearly in my heart.

Ex-President Clinton, in a 2004 sermon at New York's Riverside Church, put it best: "A lot of the religious absolutists believe that all other issues are irrelevant, that all who disagree with them are somehow almost non-human, certainly not deserving of basic consideration."

A lot of condemnations can be found in the Old Testament. But they're trumped by the wonderful words of God to Isaiah: "Fear not for I will redeem thee. Call me by thy name. Thou art mine."

The beauty of this promise is that it's unconditional.

Go say howdy to Washington Won't Discriminate and toss them some turkee - they'll need all our help to fight this idiocy if we're to turn it back as we did the transportation repeal nonsense last year.
< Don't look at us, we didn't do it. We didn't break it and we don't own it!! | Creeping obsolescence of the mainstream Republican >
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putting it out there for people to think about. I look forward to another post about all the holrs in swis cheese, some time soon. Have a good trip.

by Particle Man on Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 07:47:04 AM PST

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You made your point much more eloquently than I could.

I too have often wondered: WHY DO THEY CARE SO MUCH? Seems they persecute a social difference, like 13 year-olds do, because it feels so damn satisfying to bond with each other by putting "weirdos" down. Never mind the religious rationalizations, I think it's that basic.

Shine a spotlight on everybody's sex life or marriage, and root out unacceptable variations of ANY kind?

Don't laugh, they would love to expand their influence to do that too. With exceptions for themselves, of course.  

by dinazina on Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 08:05:27 AM PST

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This is a lesson we've got to learn better in this society -- staying in touch with reality -- including a recognition of the reality of other people.  You're so right -- gay people are not behaviors, they're living beings. Illegal immigrants are people too.  

This dissociation with reality is shows up in how we treat our institutions.  As Joel Connelley says, "the US Constitution is meant for better things than energizing a political base."

by noemie maxwell on Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 09:14:34 AM PST

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You ARE the writer around here.

I read what you wrote, immediately clicked and could not resist doing the endoring thing.

Advocating for change and reform is part of what it means to be American, like baseball, apple pie and Mom. Seriously considering change and reform must include a sense of what "being American" really means on an individual level. But politics and religion seem to remain among a majority subjects of social discussion most frequently made taboo or avoided, primarily because I suppose, politics and religion bring out our passions.

Today it is time for our passions to speak. In the absence of our own passions, we are passively allowing our society to slide toward being told by others the correct answer to "What does it mean to be Christian in America."

Bigotted Christians preach discrimination as part of being "fearful" of God in a way that recognizes God's capacity for wrath and punishment to those who stray, backslide and slip into immorality.

The God of the Eymanite Christians is perfectly capable of destroying the innocent with the guilty as evidenced during the 9/11 attacks and the "godly" fist of Katrina expressing His displeasure with an entire city that had supposedly mocked God for too long.

This is the stuff of which an American Christian society deteriorates into the shallow and murderous morality of the Taliban.

And I sure as hell would not want to sign no dumb petition and wind up on the list God is going to read when He decides which unrighteous Christian bigots are headed for the Dante woodshed.

Arthur
What they inwardly imagine is the only thing they'll accept.

by Arthur Ruger on Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 07:13:42 PM PST

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Really nice writing buddy. I am floored.

Enjoy Vegas......wish you had been at the Friday Gore movie!!!!!!! best, PH

by Proper PH on Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 07:42:04 PM PST

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