Washblog

Vatican Protects the Truth. Secular Doubters to be Inquiscerated

New rules require screening of all facts and interpretations by scientists who study everything from the shape of the earth and how all the stars circle the earth to pregnancy and immaculate conceptions.  The rules apply to all scientific papers and other public documents, even minor reports or prepared talks, according to documents obtained by The Heretic Press.

"This is not about stifling or suppressing our science, or conforming science in any way,"  Cardinal Antonio Snoweeni  the Pope's director of communications, said Wednesday. "I don't have approval authority. What it was designed to do is to improve our product flow."

Some scientists, who until now have felt free from any authoritarian interference, worry that the objectivity of their work could be compromised.

"I feel as though we've got someone looking over our shoulder at every damn thing we do. And to me that's a very scary thing. I worry that it borders on censorship," said Galileo Galilei, Italian physicist, astronomer, and philosopher who is closely associated with the scientific revolution.  

"The explanation was that this was intended to ensure the highest possible quality research.  But to me it feels like they're doing this to keep us under their thumbs. It seems like they're afraid of science. Our findings could be embarrassing to the Church."

The new requirements state that the Church's Orthodoxical Agency of Truth (OAT) must be "alerted about information products containing high-visibility topics or topics of a doctrine-sensitive nature."

OAT's Tomaso Inhoferino and its communications office also must be told -- prior to any submission for publication -- "of findings or data that may be especially newsworthy, have an impact on Church Doctrine, or contradict previous public understanding to ensure that proper Cardinals and the Pope  are notified and that communication strategies are developed."

Patricio Roberolo, the Church's head of Genesissical Truth and its acting director until September, said Wednesday that the new procedures would improve scientists' accountability and "harmonize" the review process. He said they are intended to maintain scientists' conformity not to mention their eternal salvation.

From now on, the Church's Genesissical Truth supervisors will demand to see the comments of outside peer reviewers' as well any exchanges between the scientists who are seeking to publish their findings and the reviewers.

Heresy, punishable by death, is the cancer we must seek out and destroy.

Earlier, an unorthodox scientist by the name of Copernicus poked holes in the long-standing accepted revelation of the flatness of the earth.

Church inquistors are looking into allegations that both Copernicus and Galileo taught falsehoods under the guise of science about that part of heaven we can see from the Earth at night.

Scientists and  heretical advocacy groups alike are worried about closing libraries that contain hundreds of documents and research studies.

"It now appears that the Church officials are dismantling what is likely our only  comprehensive but inaccessible collection of environmental materials.